physics and religion

gakked from thatliardesmond, who "borrowed" it from Ivanovich:

THEOLOGICAL ENGINEERING EXAM
5 Questions, 60 Minutes.

You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the Book of Mormon. The speed of light is c. Show all work. For all problems, assume a perfectly spherical Jesus of constant density D. No praying during the exam.

1. (20 pts.) Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner. God loves each an equal amount L_0. Bob then accelerates to .9c. In Joe's rest frame, how much does God now love Bob?

2. Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace. He then has sex with sheep S.
a. (8 pts.) What is Sven's atonement coefficient following the act if the sheep was not willing?
b. (12 pts.) What if the sheep, while not technically being willing, could not be said to mind either?

3. (20 pts.) Let the eternal, all abiding love of the Holy Spirit be the xy plane. Let Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t = 0 sec., traveling at 5 m/s in the direction of the positive z axis. Everything is in Cartesian coordinates bespeaking subscription to a perfectly rational Enlightenment attitude towards the Universe. At what time t will Sue be saved? (Hint:Assume a point soul.)

4. (20 pts.) Assume the Rapture occurs at time t. Cornelia, a saved human weighing 90 kg, in a state of grace, has her head in the closing jaws of an alligator at time t. What mass of meat will remain to the alligator at time t + 10 sec.?

5. Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest state. His sin level for his faith is currently 11 McBeals. He eats .3 kg of pork, and enjoys it very much. Assume that the Jews are right about, well, pretty much everything:
a. (10 pts.) What is Stan's sin level now?
b. (10 pts.) Stan is one of them Salt Lake City Mormons. He ain't so damn smug now, is he?

Extra Credit (10 pts): 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine undergo transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our Lord. How many Joules of heat are released by the transformation?

Hand in exam when done, and may God have mercy on your work

stoopid 'puter

::kicks it::

Thursday is the big day that the ads hit the Reader, so I always get on board early to avoid getting lost in the heaps of resumes - most of the places I get interviews at have between 150-300 responses.

A few were news-worthy enough that I wanted to also send my letter of recommendation. Thanks to Miz Josie's obsession with image quality and lack of appreciation for dial-up speeds, it's an over 1 MG file. So, I send 10 resumes, but 3 have the monster-file-of-doom attached. 6 fricking hours and they still haven't gone through. I'm still connected - squeaky modem noises happen when I pick up the phone. But each gets stuck about 40% sent. So I was connected ALL afternoon, when I could have had my phone open to get calls, and THEN Netscape says it "has encountered an error and needs to close" WTF?!?! And I can't even get the buggers canceled and saved as drafts before the big flush.

So, I have no way of knowing which ads these were to withuot ging BACK to the page, scrolling through page after page of likely ads, then comparing them with the 7 that DID go through.

Which I don;t feel like doing right now. So there.

::mutter mutter ::
::kicks 'puter again::

new icon

Swiped this from a link on baaaaabyanimals because it was soooo cute.

He's wearing a sweater because he survived an oil spill and after they are cleaned they chill easily until their natural feather oils come back.

squeeee~!