I'm not dead yet

[wendyzski]

Had my annual physical today. Not the most fun way to spend a Saturday morning, but needed. So I got prodded in sensitive places and deprived of some blood, and then had a chance to go over my list with my doctor.

(Nowadays Docs are so rushed that even people with fewer medical issues than me tend to forget things. So I always bring a list for the doc - it reminds me of what I need to ask/update and also has my meds and dosages written at the top so she can just take it over to the prescription pad and copy everything down)

I've been meaning to talk to her for some time about my antidepressaant dosage - the anxiety symptoms are still pretty much under control but the actual depressive side of things have been creeping up of late. Not just situational stuff (like the death of a friend of the stress of homebuying) but I've also been withdrawing a LOT socially, and having more trouble juet plain getting up in the morning. But fiddling with any kind of neurochemicals is a scary thing so I've been just putting up with things as best I can.

But lately cleolinda has been writing very candidly about her meds and the changes thereof, and reading her posts made me realize that while it is kind of scary to risk getting worse, it's worth the risk to try and feel better.

So we'll be tapering off my current med (been on it for 8 years or so) over the next 7-10 days and then starting up a new one. We're also going to get me off hormonal birth control sometime this fall - i've been using a phased one because having a predictable cycle meant it was easier to monitor my symptoms, but at my age it's a good idea to re-examine this.

I mention this stuff here because while I am generally pretty good about monitoring myself and my symptoms, it's also possible that there are things i might not notice. So if over the next few months you notice me doing something weird(er than usual) or acting noticably out of character, please bring it to my attention. I might be a little leaky in the brainpan.

(And no jokes about "you're already weird" please. This is actually a very scary thing and it's hard to do and hard for me to talk about.)

Comments

[ouijarose.livejournal.com]

Nothing pisses me off more than someone who knows I take meds, asks me if I remembered to take them because I did something wierd or might be nervous about something.

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

i don't get that (I've been on them for so many years). I'm more likely to get asked "did you remember to eat?" because at faire that's a possibility.

But I'm changing meds for the first time in about a decade, and I know that weird things are a possibility. And I've resolved to be open and matter-of-fact about this in hopes that it can help someone who might be embarrassed about their condition. This is kind of the same as "Hrm - I've never had that kind of food before - if I turn purple and fall over, someone remember to tell that to the paramedics".

[raven-ap-morgan.livejournal.com]

I understand what you're going through, at least on the psych med front. I'm glad you're taking steps to change the situation, regardless of how scary it is.

Raven

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

Yeah - AND change in the status quo brings up reminders of how awful things were before I got proper treatment, and fear that it could happen again.

[rileybear67.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

thank you. It's a scary thing, but reading cleo's LJ really made me see "you know, you don't HAVE to settle for 'OK'".

[ashtalet.livejournal.com]

Given some of what you've been talking about feeling recently, this sounds like it's worth trying. You can always go back to the status quo later.

Re the withdrawal from doing stuff, do you want to be bugged about it if I notice?

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

well, what with faire season starting up, it's not likely you'll see me enough to notice anything new. But I mainly wanted to put out a general "if something on this blog starts looking weird and it looks like I've not noticed, tell me."

[ashtalet.livejournal.com]

I think it's more have been noticing than will notice, but it's difficult to tell from merely being busy.

[jcw-da-dmg.livejournal.com]

Duly noted.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Good luck, I say. I once had to switch meds rather fast because one just suddenly stopped working, and I went through a few before I found the right one. This isn't quite the same as yours (it's a feeling that "it could be better" for you, instead of "there is no way this could be worse" for me), but it makes me agree that if they're not up to par, then by all means you can try to find some that are.

[microwench.livejournal.com]

Yay for you taking care of Wendy! Boo fr it being something scary!

I grok this...really..I've been through three rounds of psyc meds. Two tries for my panic attacks..and the back onto stuff for the Fibro.

I tried Zoloft first, hated it..but I know people it's awesome for...switched to Prozac...stopped taking it when the attacks were under control...am not back on the 'Zac for the Fibro.. I loves me some Prozac. This stuff helps with the pain..and makes me human..No more mod swings!

Keep us posted!!!!

((((((bighug)))))

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

I've been on Paxil for ages, but between monitoring myself this past year and knowing that there are newer options out there I brought it up with my doc and we're going to try Lexapro.

[microwench.livejournal.com]

Hmm..I don't know much about those two. What are the chemical differences?

Seriously, keep us posted. Enough folks on your f-list have probably gone through this or been close to someone who has.

I totally support the 'letting everyone know I'm trying new meds' thing. I do that too. Let us know when you start the Paxil, and keep us posted on how you feel. We will be your sidekicks in this adventure!

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

Chemically I'm not too sure what the differences are. Both are SSRIs but different classes. Paxil has been around long enough that there is a generic version.

The things with SSRIs is that in addition to slowing seratonin uptake they also can flip a couple of "extra" switches in brain chemistry, so you get side effects like weight gain, loss of libido, sleep changes, etc. This is also why some people do better on slightly different meds.

In general, Lexapro seems to cause fewer side effects than Paxil, though it is more expensive. But I've got good insurance and I'm not doing as well as I used to on the Paxil, and upping the dose just makes me sleepy. So my doc agrees that it's time to try something else.

I started tapering off the Paxil last night and will be doing that for 7-10 days then I'd LIKE to have a day or two with no meds, just to make sure my system is clear but I won't do that if I'm feeling "weird". Then I'll start the Lexapro, and I'll post when I do.

[jcw-da-dmg.livejournal.com]

Lexapro is what I was on for the last couple of years, before I weaned off altogether.

[train-gamer.livejournal.com]

Congrats! Being able to talk about psych meds openly is, indeed, a big, scary step. Been there, doing that, and probably will be for the forseeable future. And a big ol' 'Good for You!' on being self-aware enough to notice that the current regimen isn't working, and to try replacements.

I will keep an eye on your journal and raise red flags if needed.

BTW, we're *all* weird. And the 'normal' folks are weirder than most.