{{{hugs Cyd}}}} Some people just don't understand or maybe if we are being charitable, don't understand how to comfort anyone.
When My grandfather died, I admit it really tore me up. My grandfather had been my babysitter every day when I was young. I still have no idea when he slept. He worked nights, mom worked days and he babysat me while she worked until I went to Kindergarten and then after school that year and 1st grade. Then in 4th and 5th grade I lived with my grandparents for about 6 months. (the family was there for a few months, then they got an apartment and moved to another town. I had started school by grandpa's so they tried to leave me there until I got too homesick for mom and dad.) I would come home to Grandpa's everyday for lunch. When I was in danger of flunking Government, he took time to go over it all with me, using his newsweek magazines to help me. He was the one person I was most scared to tell when I found out I was pregnant with my oldest and yet the one who was the most loving and understanding of everyone. Anyway, at his funeral I cried, alot. And my cousins thought I was being overly dramatic and crying too much. None of them had been quite as close with him as I had. It broke my heart losing him. I cried alot when my other grandfather died but not nearly as much, the closeness wasn't the same. It hurt to get hassled by family for being upset. When Chelsea's twin, My Elizabeth died 28 hours after birth. We had a small service for her. Almost no one came. Most people tried really hard to pretend she had never existed, even family members. To this day if I bring her up, and I do because she lives in my heart always, people get very uncomfortable looking and change the subject. When my dad died a year and a 1/2 ago The pain was huge. It hurts more than only one of my brothers bothered to try and have contact with me. And all he could focus on were the last few years or so when the step monster had put a wedge between us and dad. He didn't want to remember the good years, the years dad did everything for him and with him. The fact that the step monster had not even told us he was ill and in the hospital, and had him cremated without letting us know didn't help. I still feel the lack of closure on it all (I actually had a friend who knows how to check those things, make sure there really was a death certificate and he had really died). I still have hopes after all this time of having some sort of a memorial service or party or something for him. Because I think it would help those of us left behind very much.
I will say again, that you Cyd were with us in spirit and we knew it, as was Capi. I miss Lori everyday. I suspect I will. But I am grateful for the fact that I had her in my life as well. {{{hugs}}}
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2011-01-27 05:20 pm (UTC)When My grandfather died, I admit it really tore me up. My grandfather had been my babysitter every day when I was young. I still have no idea when he slept. He worked nights, mom worked days and he babysat me while she worked until I went to Kindergarten and then after school that year and 1st grade. Then in 4th and 5th grade I lived with my grandparents for about 6 months. (the family was there for a few months, then they got an apartment and moved to another town. I had started school by grandpa's so they tried to leave me there until I got too homesick for mom and dad.) I would come home to Grandpa's everyday for lunch. When I was in danger of flunking Government, he took time to go over it all with me, using his newsweek magazines to help me. He was the one person I was most scared to tell when I found out I was pregnant with my oldest and yet the one who was the most loving and understanding of everyone.
Anyway, at his funeral I cried, alot. And my cousins thought I was being overly dramatic and crying too much. None of them had been quite as close with him as I had. It broke my heart losing him. I cried alot when my other grandfather died but not nearly as much, the closeness wasn't the same. It hurt to get hassled by family for being upset.
When Chelsea's twin, My Elizabeth died 28 hours after birth. We had a small service for her. Almost no one came. Most people tried really hard to pretend she had never existed, even family members. To this day if I bring her up, and I do because she lives in my heart always, people get very uncomfortable looking and change the subject.
When my dad died a year and a 1/2 ago The pain was huge. It hurts more than only one of my brothers bothered to try and have contact with me. And all he could focus on were the last few years or so when the step monster had put a wedge between us and dad. He didn't want to remember the good years, the years dad did everything for him and with him. The fact that the step monster had not even told us he was ill and in the hospital, and had him cremated without letting us know didn't help. I still feel the lack of closure on it all (I actually had a friend who knows how to check those things, make sure there really was a death certificate and he had really died). I still have hopes after all this time of having some sort of a memorial service or party or something for him. Because I think it would help those of us left behind very much.
I will say again, that you Cyd were with us in spirit and we knew it, as was Capi. I miss Lori everyday. I suspect I will. But I am grateful for the fact that I had her in my life as well.
{{{hugs}}}