If you've never seen this before...it's really worth watching. It's about the home funeral "revival." It's one of the best things I've EVER seen on television. Ever.
I plan to lay my Mom out at home when she dies.
I was raised by extended family. My first cousins-once removed. When my "Aunt" passed away...it was hard because the level of grief I had did not match our "level of relation" in other people's minds. I had to keep stopping to explain that until I was eleven...my Mom worked nights...and these were the people who 'parented' me. I called them "Aunt and Uncle" but they did the job of parents. I had to argue with work to get funeral leave...to the point where I had to dig through boxes to get the court papers that declared them my "Limited Custodial Guardians" to show work that I had a RIGHT to the time off under our leave policy...which torqued me off. (If I wanted to lie...I'd have just told them my Grandma died...)
I try never to judge people around funerals. I've seen people go into full on fits of hysteria. At a co-worker's funeral a few years back...someone fainted. My best friend has had a panic attack at my Uncle Henry's funeral...(I forgot to mention his twin brother Bill...and we laid him out in a suit that looked a LOT like my Uncle Henry's...she thought she was seeing a ghost. A ghost who was eating coffee and cookies...it was funny...much later.)
So...if someone doesn't go to a funeral...I never assume it has anything to do with their level of love for the person...but moreso how well they do at funerals...which are for the living anyway. The dead are...dead. It's the nature of all things to age, sicken and die.
It's one of the nice things about Zen...when a practitioner dies...we sit meditation with the body. Sitting quietly with a body...minding your breathing...it takes away the mystery and leaves you with the reality that excessive grief is clinging...and your sangha-brother or sister would want you to honor their practice by not clinging. (Which in Buddhism is generally considered to be something you don't want.) There are times set aside specifically to honor the dead...so the rest of the time you can get back to business.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2011-01-27 07:00 pm (UTC)If you've never seen this before...it's really worth watching. It's about the home funeral "revival." It's one of the best things I've EVER seen on television. Ever.
I plan to lay my Mom out at home when she dies.
I was raised by extended family. My first cousins-once removed. When my "Aunt" passed away...it was hard because the level of grief I had did not match our "level of relation" in other people's minds. I had to keep stopping to explain that until I was eleven...my Mom worked nights...and these were the people who 'parented' me. I called them "Aunt and Uncle" but they did the job of parents. I had to argue with work to get funeral leave...to the point where I had to dig through boxes to get the court papers that declared them my "Limited Custodial Guardians" to show work that I had a RIGHT to the time off under our leave policy...which torqued me off. (If I wanted to lie...I'd have just told them my Grandma died...)
I try never to judge people around funerals. I've seen people go into full on fits of hysteria. At a co-worker's funeral a few years back...someone fainted. My best friend has had a panic attack at my Uncle Henry's funeral...(I forgot to mention his twin brother Bill...and we laid him out in a suit that looked a LOT like my Uncle Henry's...she thought she was seeing a ghost. A ghost who was eating coffee and cookies...it was funny...much later.)
So...if someone doesn't go to a funeral...I never assume it has anything to do with their level of love for the person...but moreso how well they do at funerals...which are for the living anyway. The dead are...dead. It's the nature of all things to age, sicken and die.
It's one of the nice things about Zen...when a practitioner dies...we sit meditation with the body. Sitting quietly with a body...minding your breathing...it takes away the mystery and leaves you with the reality that excessive grief is clinging...and your sangha-brother or sister would want you to honor their practice by not clinging. (Which in Buddhism is generally considered to be something you don't want.) There are times set aside specifically to honor the dead...so the rest of the time you can get back to business.