There was a column in Smithsonian a while back, about a man who decided to bury his father from home. He talked about the experience of washing his father's body and preparing it for burial. It was very moving, and I kind of had it in the back of my mind when I was writing this.
I know what you mean about funerals - I guess what bothered me about people not going is that so much of her life was marginalized by the people she lived around and with. She was a large heavy woman (they used larger doses of steroids back then to treat early stage MS and they pretty much wrecked her metabolism) who used a wheelchair because of MS spasticity issues - Yet I saw a mother in WalMart answer her child's question of "why does that lady get to drive a cart?" with "She's just fat and lazy". Her cane was stolen at the drugstore, and the manager coudldn't be arsed to check the video to see if he could see what happened, and was so rude to her that she went home in tears and never did file a police report. There were extended family members who suffered a terrible tragedy and were dismissed as "trailer trash". She was often unable to leave her house, or even her bed at, so lots of people simply preferred to forget her. She was poor, lived in subsidized housing and was depended on Medicare and SSI because she was unable to handle the physical demands of a job.
I wanted those people to see how big a hole she has left in the world. That she loved and was loved, that she helped sooooo many people through various online groups, and how she always managed to come back eventually with a smile on her face and a kind word for others. I wanted to almost shake them and yell 'SHE MATTERED!!! She touched more lives than you will ever know".
That's why I'm peeved that her Faire Community didn't put on a better showing. The church was full of people that were there "for the family", but I wish there had been more people there "for her". Her dulcimer group played, and there were 6 faire folk there (4 of us in costume) and Ariyana and I both spoke. But like was true for so much of her life - she deserved better.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2011-01-27 07:19 pm (UTC)I know what you mean about funerals - I guess what bothered me about people not going is that so much of her life was marginalized by the people she lived around and with. She was a large heavy woman (they used larger doses of steroids back then to treat early stage MS and they pretty much wrecked her metabolism) who used a wheelchair because of MS spasticity issues - Yet I saw a mother in WalMart answer her child's question of "why does that lady get to drive a cart?" with "She's just fat and lazy". Her cane was stolen at the drugstore, and the manager coudldn't be arsed to check the video to see if he could see what happened, and was so rude to her that she went home in tears and never did file a police report. There were extended family members who suffered a terrible tragedy and were dismissed as "trailer trash". She was often unable to leave her house, or even her bed at, so lots of people simply preferred to forget her. She was poor, lived in subsidized housing and was depended on Medicare and SSI because she was unable to handle the physical demands of a job.
I wanted those people to see how big a hole she has left in the world. That she loved and was loved, that she helped sooooo many people through various online groups, and how she always managed to come back eventually with a smile on her face and a kind word for others. I wanted to almost shake them and yell 'SHE MATTERED!!! She touched more lives than you will ever know".
That's why I'm peeved that her Faire Community didn't put on a better showing. The church was full of people that were there "for the family", but I wish there had been more people there "for her". Her dulcimer group played, and there were 6 faire folk there (4 of us in costume) and Ariyana and I both spoke. But like was true for so much of her life - she deserved better.