It's over

[wendyzski]

Renfield is dead.

I gave him water and more pain meds when I got home, and he seemed to revive a little. But he couldn't move either of his back legs, and he was trying to crawl across the cage dragging them and whimpering in pain.

I thought long and hard today about what I would do, and I finally decided that if it needed to be done tonight, taking him to an emergency vet to euthanize him would only cause him more stress and pain. So I waited till he was still and seemed to be dozing, and I broke his neck. It was quick and clean, and he didn't even move. I just couldn't let him suffer another minute.

I'm sorry little guy. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry I couldn't make you better. All I could do was make it stop hurting. I hope you forgive me.

I tucked him into his little house with some fluff and his half-chewed milk-bone, and wrapped him up. I know he won't know that, but it made me feel a little better - like at least it was something I could do for him.

Rest in peace little one.

Comments

[anjabeth.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry, sweetie. It's the hardest thing any pet owner has to do. I've been through it three times with ferrets; you always feel like you've failed somehow, like if only you'd done something differently, they would have lived. It's not the case, you did everything you could, you loved him, cared for him, and made him as comfortable as you could, and at the end, you ended his pain and suffering. None of us could really ask for more than that, and most of us will never receive it. *hugs* the pain does go away, in time.
Requiescat in Pace, Renfield.

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

It's so hard with animals because they don't understand, and you can't explain it to them. They look at you so trustingly and you know that they count on you to make everything all better.