thank you all

[wendyzski]

I really needed every single one of those hugs.

I was so afraid that I'd get criticized for do-it-yourself euthenasia, but I couldn't see making him suffer the stress of a trip. The nearest exotic vet is in Skokie (hallf-hour on train and then bus in the cold rain), and I don't even know if they would do such a procedure on an "emergency" after-hours basis. I had studied rodent anatomy when I was planning on dispatching those vermin-mice last year, so I was pretty confident I could do it as painlessly as possible. It was really hard, but in the end it really wasn't really a choice - I had to do whatever I could for him.

I cried myself into an asthma attack, but a couple of hours and half a box of tissues later I was able to clean out his cage and toys. Since I am hoping for my next fuzzy roomate to be a rabbit, I will not be adopting another hammie for now. I have an e-mail in to the shelter he came from to see if they need equipment donations. I'll box everything up once it dries. It hurts too much to keep around with no one living in it.

*hugs pillow tightly*

Comments

[pensnuggles.livejournal.com]

I keep trying to find the right words to express my sorrow for you and the admiration I feel for your courage in performing that last terrible service for Renfield, but my eyes keep leaking and it's hard to see the keyboard. I don't know what, if any, plans you have for him now, but you are welcome to some space in my garden. We could plant sunflowers over him in the spring.

Do you need any meds for your asthma?

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the offer, but it's not necessary.
He's not there any more.

I'll be okay. Thanks again.

[pensnuggles.livejournal.com]

(((more hugs)))

You're welcome.

[lucybuckles.livejournal.com]

*hugglez and snugglies* for Wendy Lady

[duane-kc.livejournal.com]

Darlin', I'm so sorry. [big hug]

HUGS dear Lady

[sagcelt62.livejournal.com]

From first to last, your action was a loving one...HUGS

Re: HUGS dear Lady

[capi.livejournal.com]

Exactly. What you did was loving, and terribly, painfully hard on YOU.

*proud of Wendy*

You doing any better today?

Re: HUGS dear Lady

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

A little. It's still hard - I heard a little squeaking sound and automatically turned to where his cage was. Turns out it was the fan.

I napped and re-read books today, nothing too taxing. And I cried some - little eye-leakings rather than big gulpy sobs like yesterday. Like when I realized I don't have any reason to save toilet paper tubes any more.

I am waiting on the shelter to get back to me so we can set up a time to drop off his cage, fixings, and toys.

Grieving is part of life, so I am allowing myself time for it. I'm glad I'm working now, so I will have something to do this week. It would be very easy to slip from 'quiet' to 'lonely' and into 'depressed'.

So yeah, I'm as better as can be expected. Everyone's good wishes are helping a lot.

[ladyariyana.livejournal.com]

{{hugs}}}

[lisagems.livejournal.com]

Like I said, it's the hardest act of kindness there is. But mercy is a kindness.

Don't forget, I'm just up the road a bit if you ever need help.