I don't handle stress well

[wendyzski]

I am finding this out.

Well duh, you say. No one does - that's why it's called STRESS! But hear me out for a minute.

What kind of things cause stress and anxiety in most people?
Now try and apply those to me.

I've never gotten stage fright in my life. Ever. I remember in sixth grade when I was trying to get someone to explain it to me, and failing to understand. I get concerned and anxious when things are not prepared, or when they are out of my control, but in general I'm such a preparedness freak that I just plain don't have a lot of practice in this kind of OMG freakout level of stress. Worry yes, concern, and even anxiety. But nothing like this.

I really wasn't kidding when I said "I'm not sure whether I want to cry or throw up, or both". I've been waking up every 2 hours all night, with "Did I remember...." or "OK, have to call....". There is always SOMETHING I'm sure I'm supposed to be doing, so basic stuff sort of leaks out the edges of my brainpan. (eew). I've managed to forget to buy milk 3 days in a row now. Thank goodness work hasn't required any original thinking lately. Got off the phone with mom this afternoon and actually had to put my head down on my desk to ride out a wave of nausea. I've started carrying the bottle of Tums in my purse.

I'm kind of hoping that now that the loan stuff is filled out, signed, and sent that my brain will stop screaming at me for a little while. Need to call the lolyer tomorrow to make sure things are still on track, and the inspection is Friday.

(And I'm sure the fact that we're coming up on one year since jfc013 died isn't helping my emotional state any).

So please have a little patience with me for a little while yet - yes, I know you ALWAYS need patience where I'm concerned, but I'm not sure *I'd* want to hang out with me right now. Just let me yammer, and make vague comforting sounds.

Comments

[queenmaggie.livejournal.com]

When I've felt that stressed about an upcoming event, I lived with a notebook and pen next to me at all times. When you wake in the middle of the night, or the stressful thoughts become intrusive, jot down what you need to not forget. Once a day (am is best, so you don't forget your early morning appointments) go through your notes and create today's list of things to work on (NOT necessarily things to get done, or to finish, just to work on) I often find that I've written one thing down repeatedly. That's the one that I make sure to do at least the next baby step on. And when you cross off the extras, the whole list looks much more manageable.
You'll get through it. Time doesn't stop, and then once you're done, you'll be able to look back and think that you'll never have to do that for the first time ever again!