Scaring the straights

[wendyzski]

I wanted to write this down as soon as I got back from MiRF, but wanted to think about it first.

Now, anyone who has seen jmthane and tarsa together for any length of time comments on how deliriously happy they are together. Sometimes it's a bit much, especially if you're flying solo, but no one can doubt that they are very much in love.

We were having dinnner at the Big Boy near the faire site on Saturday night. Josie & Nan were acting just like they always do - equal parts snuggly and wisecracking, lots of giggles and a few smooches. Nothing out of the ordinary. But I looked over at the next table, and there was a little boy, maybe 6 or 7, with this big-eyed stare. Sadly, I turned to Josie and said "I hate to have to say this, but you're scaring the straights".

Of course, they immediately backed off. We're not in sophisticated Chicago any more, and it didn't seem the place to get into anything with complete strangers. We were encouraged by the sort-of-shy smile that the boys mother gave them, but it sort of tainted the evening a bit.

The more I think about it, the more upset I get. The debate about gay marriage may be in the news, and that it an important issue, but the simple fact that two people in love have to worry about how people will react to them, that they have to 'monitor their behavior' in some way to avoid giving offense - there is something deeply and fundementally wrong about that.

My standard comment when telling people about them is "and since they are two ladies who are to be wed, they BOTH get sparkly rocks!" And all weekend I watched everyone (including very butch security women) go absolutely gooey when they learned about the engagement.

It just left a vaguely nasty taste in my mouth.

Comments

[museclio]

See my take on it is Screw the Straights. If a man and a woman can do it then so can two women and the straights who don't like it need to grow up. If they are offended that is their problem, not that of the couple who are being perfectly acceptable.

[cyohtee.livejournal.com]

Of course there is also the school of thought that even a man and woman doing that in public can be offensive (not that I care, but I have heard plenty of people complain about a young couple acting overly affectionate in public. The usual response is "Get a room."). Before I even got to Wendy's reason for being put off by the reaction my thinking wasn't "oh dear, the straits are just not with it enough to deal" but instead "Hmm... I could see the same reaction to any couple in public from a lot of people just for the kissing and cuddling in front of them." Just goes to show the many ways to look at the same picture and come away with a different response. :)

That's the arguement my sister makes

[brassangel.livejournal.com]

We played on a recreational soccer league and there were several lesbains in the league. Most of them kept in low-key, but one season there was a couple who kept kissing on each other. My sister explained at that time "I dont kiss all over my husband in public, I don't think it's appropriate behaviour. I dont want to have to explain to my small children why ANYONE is doing that in public"

Re: That's the arguement my sister makes

[tarsa.livejournal.com]

Now here's a question~~Why isn't it considered appropriate behavior? I don't mean two people giving each other tonsillectomies and groping genitals in public, daring anyone to say anything negative. That's politics. I am referring to basic affection between two loving people.

If I choose to sit at a restaurant with my arm around my fiancee, occasionally kissing (pecking) her shoulder, cheek, or lips then what is the harm? Hetero couples do it all the time everywhere, *including church*. I know. I've seen it. I've always been extremely pleased to witness (any) people in love showing the world that they are a couple. Perhaps if "Get a room" were replaced by, "Good for you!" we would have far fewer instances of "shocked straights" or any other form of gay/ethnic/etc. bashing.

Ok

[brassangel.livejournal.com]

You are correct and generally when I see a couple, ,straight gay, what have you, giving that kind of affection, showing that they are obviously in love, well, I get a bit gushy. It's sweet. and my general attitude is "Good for them" My sister is a bit more of a prude than I am though, and she and her husband generally dont display any kind of affection towards one another in public. I actually have always felt that that was a bit sad. But it's her choice I guess.