serious time here

[wendyzski]

A few days ago, I wrote about lost dreams. About watching LOTR, and knowing that my chances for glory are for the most part, past.



On the LOTR DVD appendices, there is some material about a young filmmaker named Cameron, that PJ and Fran admired and supported, and who was dying of cancer. There are two of his short films on there, and they have some very wise things to say.

In his last film, Cameron talks about how he's not afriad of dying, but "I don't want to be forgotten".

I think that's the crux for any artist. We need to make things. Whether it's a painting, a film, a song - we need to make something bigger than ourselves. To touch something beyond what we see. To experience more, and to turn that into something that other people can understand. Because this CAN'T be all there is.

I sit here alone in my apartment, feeling very small and alone. Thinking back to what I wanted to do, to have, to be. There's a fine line between introspection and moping. And it's hard to feel self-pity when you see the horrors that are slowly coming to light in the areas hit by the tsunami. I mean, I am still here. I have food, heat, a roof over my head. That should be enough.

But it isn't.

I can't stand the thought that I will be forgotten. That the world may turn on without even a blip for me. That I didn't matter. I'm a short, fat, middle-aged woman now, and the idea that this is all I am is ashes to me.

Comments

[fiddledragon]

Ok, this may sound trite, but you do matter. And you definitely live vividly in the memories of those that have had the pleasure of meeting you whether in person or in character...and you do have something of yourself in tangible form in the CD's that you with the rest of Minstrosity have put together.

[capi.livejournal.com]

Exactly right.

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

None of my family like my CDs. "They all sound kind of the same, honey". That's really hard.

[gothicshidre.livejournal.com]

Family members can be very critical. I've sat many a time with a family member "cratiquing" one of my costumes, or a piece of jewerly.
As long as you are happy with the results, and your friends like them, it's all that matters.

[capi.livejournal.com]

((( hugs ))) i beg you to remember, dear precious Wendy, that *my* family still think:

a) i'm FAKING

b) i'm using this fake illness as a pretext to CONTROL my husband and son

c) that there really is no chance of my ever being a proper adult again

Family is.... well, family. YOU know who you are and you DO know your value, even if you forget sometimes. And we *adore* you, just as you are.

((((( more hugs ))))

[alliesutherland.livejournal.com]

And the moral of *my* story is that (blood) family can not only be a bunch of bass-ackwards idjits, vultures, self-obsessed, narcissistic fools... they can be clueless and downright hurtful.

Things "sound the same" to people who don't listen with their hearts, dearest. You're most definitely unique, extremely talented, and beautiful.

And, for the record, my opinion counts more than theirs because I wield the Poohstick of Authority. So NYAH on them. ;)

(((hugs and smooches))) You matter very much to me, love.

[aedifica]

I agree. And, trivial though this may sound, the other day I heard a song on the radio that went too fast for me to remember all the words, and I thought to myself "I bet Wendy would have caught that." So you're being remembered right now when you're not even dead yet!

[queenmaggie.livejournal.com]

I so understand what you are saying. The horrors that we
are witnessing in the news feel as though they should make us believe that whatever we have is enough... But as an actor/artist/writer... whatever... I want to believe I make a difference.

[that-david.livejournal.com]

I can't stand the thought that I will be forgotten. That the world may turn on without even a blip for me.

I think this is an issue for a lot of people, not just artists, although it may touch closer to the core for artists than for others. We all want to feel as if we've left at least a small mark on the world. And we do to the extent that we touch and influence others.

Boy, do I understand!

[rowangolightly.livejournal.com]

Wendy, dear;

You MATTER. If you never, ever did anything more than you've done to this point (but the idea of Wendy standing still and stopping doing, is....I can't think of way to end that statement) you would have achieved a great deal.

When I think of you and your witty, funny brilliance your musical virtuousity, your kind-hearted generousity I start grinning like an ape.

Whenever I tell someone the name of our group, I have to tell the story of how you gave us that name, did you know that? Whenever I tell how Bruce and I had to leave that weekend, I have to tell how you went around and got loving words collected in a book you purchased to make Bruce feel loved at a time when the rest of his world was telling him otherwise.

It's like I said at Ean/DJ's memorial service, that I stole shamelessly from Scarby's Memorial Day service.

"Tell them all who we were. Tell them what we did; share the stories of what happened here and elsewhere. So long as we do that, we will never be forgotten. We will all live forever."

You will live forever. Your place is well-assured in my heart and lots of the hearts around here.

[cozit.livejournal.com]

Not an introspective comment at all, but...

First off, you're *not* middle aged, you're going to live to be over 100, in perfect health (save the occasional cold thingy) until the day you die... so you're not to the mid-point yet.

Secondly... c'mon... just how forgettable do you think a cow costumer can be? Especially one that sings so nicely, and is fun to be around? (not to mention makes me laugh so often via computer)

[sisucore.livejournal.com]

I can't stand the thought that I will be forgotten.

In all light-heartedness, you could always shoot someone famous. They'll even remember your middle name then too.

You've made your good impression on me, dear girl. In the end, those who please me are all that matter.

[(Anonymous)]

>In all light-heartedness, you could always shoot someone famous. >They'll even remember your middle name then too.

They might even spell it right.

Seriously, though - you, forgotten? Notta CHANCE! Neither fandom nor rendom will let it happen.

JCW da DMG