Just practicing...

[wendyzski]

• "No, I'm not married."


• "No, I have no immediate plans to get married".


• (Or alternatively "Why, are you proposing?")


• "No, I do not plan to have children".


• "I'm a musician."


• "No really, I am."


• "I am looking for another 'day job' but also playing gigs - in fact, I have one the weekend after I get back"

My brother is getting married this coming weekend, and I just dread the stupid and intrusive questions. As the only remaining unmarried of my generation, I just KNOW I'm in for it. Probably just as well Rob wasn't able to go with me.

And my mother is again going to tell me I'm fat and ask why I don't want to have kids - the fact that we've had this discussion several times notwithstanding. However, I can probably bargain with her by saying "You don't bug me about the kid thing and I won't harass you about the fact that you're moving to hurricane-ville next month"

Bleh - My life, My business! My dreams of the past few weeks have all involved my having to explain something to someone who just doesn't get it. Gee - I wonder why?

Now, I love my mom, but we have often agreed that we get on much better since I left home. I usually time visits for 3 days, which is about long enough to re-connect a bit without forcibly reminding you of why you moved in the first place. And I have never even met my brother's bride, never mind the pack of relatives I'm about to acquire. I'm going to have enough trouble trying to be pleasant during the "meet everyone" reception, which is in a house full of creatures I am severely allergic to.

I have visions of spending the entire evening out by the pool, with the neighbor's bichon (which is a non allergenic kind of dog). With my luck, it will rain.

I will not snicker at Debbie's dress I will not slip and refer to her as "the Matron of Horror" in front of my new in-laws I will not snicker at Debbie's dress I will not slip and refer to her as "the Matron of Horror" in front of my new in-laws I will not snicker at Debbie's dress I will not slip and refer to her as "the Matron of Horror" in front of my new in-laws I will not snicker at Debbie's dress I will not slip and refer to her as "the Matron of Horror" in front of my new in-laws I will not snicker at Debbie's dress ...

One small saving grace in all this is that John did not cave and invite our dad. You know, the guy that neither one of us has not seen in 12 years and even the holiday cards stopped a while ago? (I know I didn't give him my new address when I moved). We have each made the choice not to make him part of our lives. The divorce from my mom was long, drawn-out, and messy (5 years worth), with lots of legal maneuvering and emotional blackmail. Through this we learned that the man he had become was simply not a very nice person, and that neither of us wanted much to do with him. It has nothing to do with "forgiveness" or anything like that - just that he wants the "idea' of one big happy family more than he wants to get to know the actual flesh-and-blood people we have become. Once when I expressed discomfort at the idea of visiting him and his girlfried, his reply was "Oh - it's okay - we're married now." Yeah, that makes it ALL better...

We have each come under flack from many people over the years over this issue, which bugs me. Who are you to pass judgement on my decisions? And I know he was under a lot of pressure to invite him. I told him that it was his decision, that I would support whatever chioce he made. The only thing I asked was a warning, so that we didnt get a surprise when we walked in. I am very relieved that I don't have to deal with THAT.

See why I planned this trip so the wedding-stuff was out of the way FIRST?

Comments

[alliesutherland.livejournal.com]

When those very situations arise in my life, I am SORELY tempted to superimpose myself into a "family picture" with Marilyn Manson as my hubby and some freakish-looking kids.

Just provides gossip...er... entertainment between drunken antics at the reception. :)

[duane-kc.livejournal.com]

1. You are not fat; in fact you're damn cute.

2. Marriage is overrated.

3. Musicians are people too.

4. Break a leg. Preferably someone else's.

[capi.livejournal.com]

There is one *other* saving grace to this trip....

*POKE*

*giggle*

Hey! My house should be brand-new-fresh-painted when you gets here!! *hee*

There's always the evasive tactic: as they approach you with that LOOK in their eye, as they begin to suck in a LOT of air for the words you dread, you look over their shoulder and say, "Oh look! It's Cousin Bertold! I've been looking ALL OVER for you...." and you push right on by. *snort*

We ALL hate these things, lass. But we'll flush yir system with a grand dose of redwood forest, what say?

[capi.livejournal.com]

*thinks about it s'more*

You know, the way i sees it, we are different. Most of us just *are*, because those who pretend to be different usually suck at it. And most of us will defend our different-ness til the day we die; we LIKE being different.

But we all know.... there *is* a price.

I'm not saying they are right to rag you about stuff, but see.... poor souls, they're NOT different. They can't even begin to see it.

[cozit.livejournal.com]

BTW, not only are you *not* "fat" (there is a big difference between a bit overweight and *fat*), but you can always tell her that you eat more when under stress, and such questions are causing you rather a lot of that.

(*g* My mom never did it on purpose, but she'd go from supporting any of us trying to watch what we eat a bit to forgetting and making a favorite dessert/snack/treat within a day or two. At least she did realize what she did when someone pointed it out to her... but she also has never said anything to any of the three of us who are heavier than we ought to be.)

[socratesthecat.livejournal.com]

The weight issue others have commented on and I agree with them so that is all I'll say on that.

Now with the father thing I can relate to what your saying and I can agree totally with what your doing about it. I haven't seen my father for 19 years my older brother hasn't seen him for even longer but my younger sister keeps hounding us that we must get in touch with him simply because he's our father. I won't go into the details but it's like you said we don't like the person he's become and don't need that in our lives.

I wish your trip to go painlessly for the wedding/family stuff and that you have loads of fun afterwords.

[that-david.livejournal.com]

I will not snicker at Debbie's dress I will not slip and refer to her as "the Matron of Horror" in front of my new in-laws

Yeah...it's the polite thing to do, but I'm glad that I don't have to try. I don't think that I could do it. ^_~

BTW, I've located a few more bottles of that whiskey. Do you want/need more?

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

Not at the moment, though i may call on you for future smuggling by mail. Most of the people I know who would want some are too poor right now.

Something to hopefully cheer you somewhat...

[telaryn.livejournal.com]

You *don't* have to explain why you're thirty seven, unemployed and living with your parents! *waves from living room of parental abode*

Seriously though -- all my best wishes. Very few things worse than trying to be social with a group of people that *don't* get you and have no interest in even trying.

We love you, and *we* appreciate the woman you are.

[faireraven.livejournal.com]

*HUGS* There are some things you unfortnately wind up putting up with for the sake of loved ones... I hope they don't get you down...

Congratulations to your brother, and good luck!

*HUGS*

[angelle-n-brian.livejournal.com]

You have my empathy, if not sympathy, on the issue of intrusive family questions. I of course recently DID marry, but this opens up a new none-of-their-business can of worms, the "when will you start a family?" bunch. For those who care, I am now sterile, having had a hysterectomy. I could not have kids even if my entire world-view changed and I suddenly had a mad desire to do so. Which I do not desire to do. At ALL. I am not planning to adopt. My husband is FINE with this, and supports my decision. Neither of us choose to ruin our lives with the introduction of a child or children to our home. My immediate family is of course aware of my situation and knows I cannot have kids. They still may wonder about the adoption option. Brian's family has been told repeatedly that I can't have kids, and that neither of us desires to acquire any, but I just KNOW they will still keep asking if we will adopt. Actually, one of his sisters (Brian is child 7 of 8) actually asked me when we were going to start a baby, even having BEEN told previously that I'm sterile! Then again, this particular lady has had 4 kids, 2 died before age 2 of genetic problems, 2 are healthy, and had one miscarriage. She has been told she will DIE if she tries again, and disbelieves it and will try again. *sigh* So of course it might occur to her that I'm just 'not trying hard enough'.

Sorry, didn't mean to go off in YOUR journal, lol! Let's hope they just keep their mouths shut and don't ask any nosy questions of you!

[ladyariyana.livejournal.com]

I will not snicker at Debbie's dress I will not slip and refer to her as "the Matron of Horror" in front of my new in-laws I will not snicker at Debbie's dress I will not slip and refer to her as "the Matron of Horror" in front of my new in-laws I will not snicker at Debbie's dress I will not slip and refer to her as "the Matron of Horror" in front of my new in-laws

OOOpss... did I start something... can;t decide if I should feel bad.. or giggle evilly lol
You are perfect just as you are my friend.. and deep inside you know that.. if you were not you would not have soo many of us who love you! Breena says Her Auntie Wendy is just right.. and you are allowed to quote her to whomever you need to... "Hey My little Breena says Aunt Wendy is just right so back off a leave me alone" see good response lol
You will surive this.. if you need back up, take the frog.. you can always wring his neck instead of the people in front of you... (george why on earth is that woman attempting to kill the stuffed frog? hehehehe that won't make any new questions right?? lol)
and just think you get to go off sight see have fun AND see Capi.. which makes some of us jealous!!! but still happy for you because we love you...
Now my new worry.. what about Bistro while you are gone?? who shall care for his small fluffiness????
{{{bearhugs}}}

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

Now my new worry.. what about Bistro while you are gone?? who shall care for his small fluffiness????

He will be just fine. A little extra food for him to hid and eventually eat, and an extra water bottle in case the first one empties/clogs. He will probably never even notice I'm gone.

[rowangolightly.livejournal.com]

Happy Birthday, sweetie (since I posted it late n the day!)

Look at it this way; this weekend will give you lots of ammo for your oh-so-witty retelling later! I *know* it's not just me who waits in tense anticipation for a Wendy-description (post mortem was what I almost typed!) of any event; especially a wedding!

You and Capi give one another big hugs for me, you hear? Have a wonderful time and don't let 'em get to ya!