OK here's the deal....

[wendyzski]

She DOES NOT WANT visitors. When she was still able to talk, she was adamantly clear that she did not want visitors. She doesn't want anyone to see her like this (adf she looks like hell). I only got an exemption today. Until this past weekend, we really thought she'd have a few more months.

She is not in any pain, and is drifting in and out. She was somewhat aware for a while this afternoon, and I went through the list by name of everyone who loves her and wishes her well. Jake is as well as can be expected. Her parents are with her, and Jake's parents are coming up on Friday.

We have no idea how much time she has left - but it is certainly measured in days at the longest.

I have not spoken of this before because she asked me not to. She wanted people to treat her like a person and not a disease. Also, once she got very sick, the times spent with friends were her escape - a time away from the doctors and the fear. She didn't want the two world to collide at all. I did not agree and I told her so, but I honored her wishes. The only reason I'm posting now is quite frankly, I think you all deserve to know and she can't really argue with me now.

While she was able, she made arrangements to have her body donated to medical science. There will be no funeral service, again at her specific request. There will be some kind of memorial service to honor her, probably in mid October, once we all have a little bit of distance, and so that out of town friends can make arrangements to be there.

I will still hold open house for movies/whatever for the next few Fridays so that people have a place to gather, until my band committments take me traveling again. For the GR crew - the last time I saw her in person she asked me to "take care of them", and I will do my best. Jake plans to continue gaming night in some form, obviously not right away.

The last coherent words she spoke to me last week were "You're not done with me yet!"

I know we all wish that she had been right.

Comments

[wonderwench.livejournal.com]

*hugs hugs hugs*

[alliesutherland.livejournal.com]

Love and prayers... you and hers are in my thoughts.

[imaginarytiff.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the post, it's appreciated. *Hugs* to you and everyone else.

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

We're hanging in there. She is as comfortable as she can be, and napping a lot. At this point that is the best we can hope for. This is the part that she was most afraid of - She really can't talk at all though she can hear us and does respond when she is awake. I told her that you posted and that you love her.

I'm so very sorry, Wendy...

[capi.livejournal.com]

Oh girl.... SUCH a hard thing to face, to walk thru...

(((((((((( long long hugs )))))))))))))

I'm here for ya, if you wanna talk, or you wanna vent, or you wanna howl, or whatever. And.... of course.... ~prayers~

Re: I'm so very sorry, Wendy...

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

I want to do all of those preferably at the same time.

However, what I will do is take my meds for my back (which is not happy with hospital chairs) and go to bed. At least with the meds I will sleep.

Thanks so much for being there.

[faireraven.livejournal.com]

Oh honey... *HUGS*

It's a difficult place to be, where you are right now...

All the good thoughts in the world that I could possibly have are being flung in your direction at a high rate of speed... Because I think they need to get there as fast as possible right now...

*HUGS*

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

This is the part she was most dreading - being unable to communicate. She can hear us sometimes but she really can't speak, but nods and noises get the basics through.

It's horrible, but at least I had the chance to see her and she was aware enough to know I was there. I'm going to work tomorrow, so that her parents have some less distracted time with her, and unless I get a call not to I'll go back after work.

[jmthane.livejournal.com]

I know we all wish that she had been right.

Much truth to that. :-(

[raven-moon.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the update, hun. I appreciate it, and your conveying my love to her if you get the chance.

We were planning on coming up in August sometime, and I was so happy I would get a chance to see her again, even thinking it might be the last time... Irony sux, eh?

I am glad both she and Jake have you nearby; I know this must be tremendously difficult for both of you. Peace and courage to you, and love to Herself...

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

I did tell her that you had posted, so she knows you are there for her.

[ladynaberrie.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[jrittenhouse.livejournal.com]

*shocked*

Didn't know there was anything wrong with her, but I hadn't seen her for a while. What's happened?

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

She was very emphatic about not telling people ANYTHING.

Short version - she was diagnosed with salivary gland cancer about a year an a half ago - had surgery and chemo - was doing pretty well. Shortly before Capricon this year they discovered it had metastasized to her liver and possibly her lungs. This last round of chemo started a couple of months ago, and it was kicking her butt and not really helping. She went into the hospital on July 5th and has been there ever since. Up until Saturday we thought she'd be coming home for at least a couple more months, but now she's got fluid building in her brain and lungs again and there isn't anything else they can do.

She is in hospice care, is as comfortable as they can make her, and her parents and Jake are there. The only reason I was allowed to go is that they are pretty sure she's not got more than a couple of days at tops.

[darkwing830.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this post. She's been a part of my life for so long in some way that I just can't believe this. I dont' know what to say but if you get the chance send my love to her. (HUGGS)

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

I did actually - I told her last week when you posted to my cryptic post, and again today. So she knows.

[liana]

*hugs* Thank you for posting.

[gramercy.livejournal.com]

I do not know your friend, but I'm very sorry for the pain you and she are going through.
*hugs*

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

Luckily, she isn't in any physical pain and hasn't been though all of this. But being unable to communicate is the part she feared most.

[jcw-da-dmg.livejournal.com]

This has got to be REALLY hard on her folks. Peter's what? 90something? She's their only.

And I know I'll NEVER be done with her. She's too much a part of me. There was a time when I had lunch with her pretty much every day.

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

Yeah - they talked with the chaplain at length = "it's not supposed to be like this".

Jake put me down to be eligible for grief counseling, and I'm grateful. It's been more than 20 years I've been with her.

[woody-whistler.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear this!

I'll keep you, Janet and all of her family and friends in my thoughts and prayers.

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

Thank you,

I assume John told you that I'm not up to rehearsing tomorrow?

[starstraf.livejournal.com]

As I said in IM - thanks for the update. I'm so glad I got to see her on my trip this spring

[mustang-bex1126.livejournal.com]

As my family is going through it's own loss right now, and we have before been through a terminal illness, I offer some support and solidarity from afar. You're amazingly strong. Best thoughts and wishes.

[msimon777.livejournal.com]

Many thanks for the update. I know it doesn't seem like much, but she is in my thoughts and prayers.

Is there anything I can do to help out from up here? If so, let me know.

[agladstone.livejournal.com]

I had no idea that she was even sick. Had I known, I would have let her known that she was in my thoughts and prayers. I guese that is why she did not want anyone knowing.

Anyway, please let Janet know that she and her family are in my heart.

She will be the second friend that I have lost to cancer in as many weeks. My other friend was fighting strong on 4 July and faded away on 5 July. I hope that Janet got to see the fire works on the 4th. I remember sitting with her by Noris center watching them for many years.

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

Yeah - she didn't want anyone to know. Keeping it under wraps from people we saw every week was the toughest part of this for me. It's kind of a relief to be public with it now (I made the judgement call - she can't argue with me now, and I think people need time to prepare)

She didn't make the fireworks but she did make her birthday, Custer Street Fair, and the Fountain Square Fest.

[rhiannonhero.livejournal.com]

Wendy, do you know if it is okay to post about this in our own journals? I don't want to violate Janet's requests to keep things quiet, but I also know how blindsided I was by news of Thamiris's death when I'd had no clue she was even ill to begin with. Let me know. Thank you.

This is so unbelievably sad.

[rhiannonhero.livejournal.com]

Also, if you get another chance, please let her know that I love her.

[petmoosie.livejournal.com]

(((HUGS))) to you Wendy. My love goes out to Janet and Jake and her folks.

I'm Kirsten Frank (in case the picture isn't too familiar). Tim will probably email a message from work. We are both shocked and thinking of the many good times we've had with Janet and how wonderful she was about keeping us in the GR loop after we moved. I wish we could say goodbye. I think that's why I'm writing; to say goodbye.

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

Oh GOOD! This kind of thing is why I went public on this - because I didn;t know how to get the word to some people - you guys included.

I just IMd with Star too.

I'll tell her if I can.

[queenmaggie.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry.

[that-david.livejournal.com]

Thanks for letting us know. I'm thankful that she has her loved ones with her at this time and I will keep you all in my thoughts.

[daryljfontaine.livejournal.com]

I didn't see any of this yesterday due to work, but I heard it from another source last night. Emailed Jake today letting him know he could call for anything, and I will try to make it out for the open house on Friday night.

It feels like a physical blow, since like a lot of the old GR crowd I've known Janet almost 20 years now. I went through this with my grandma when I was 13, so knowing Janet, her wishes are understandable, even if we don't necessarily agree. If you talk to her again, please pass along my love as well. And *hugs* to you for being there for her and Jake.

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

Good - Randy and Karl mentioned calling you but I wanted to be sure.

I'm thinking Warner Brother and or Muppet shows on Friday. If you have either, bring them.

[georgia-s-brown.livejournal.com]

I just saw this in Rhiannonhero's LJ. Please tell Janet that I love her and she is a great friend.

[herohunter.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the update, Wendy. I want to say more but I keep deleting what I type.
Please accept a virtual hug.

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

Hugs are always appreciated.

As I told someone yesterday "there isn't any 'right thing to say' - so just say something'. Jake agreed and said "I'll take it as the right thing then".